she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
