Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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