If i come over, it means nothing
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
