people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
