well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
