She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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