My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
