Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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