yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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