VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
