Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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