Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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