I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
