it hurts more in the daytime
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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