I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
