Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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