There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
