Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
