Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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