Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize