I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize