The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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