I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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