Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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