Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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