you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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