I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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