NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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