No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm always down for nudity.
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