dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
