people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
