wrigley field is MILF paradise
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
