I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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