I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
