There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Randomize
