Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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