The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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