Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
