my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
