I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize