I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
