I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
