I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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