If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
