My Higher Power is John Stamos
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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