Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
