You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
