I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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