Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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