you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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