Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
