i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
