All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
