Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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