Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
