saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
