Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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