i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize