My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sorry about my life...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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