Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
