i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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