I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
