Heybabeimwearingurpanties
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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