Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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