i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize