There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
