Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
