The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize