Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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