Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize