it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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