I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
